smoke

I've discovered one reason smoking is so comforting. When I'm sad and lonely, my chest opens up. It's like my heart has dropped into my stomach and the place where it was before is empty, hollowed out. It's almost heavy. And the thought of lighting a cigarette, pulling all that warm chalky smoke down my throat: I can almost see the way the smoke will curl around itself into rings and flowers and the swirls of a river and fill up the hollow in my chest, make it move again, bring it back to life, warm everything from the inside out, maybe even burn away the numb parts so they don't pulse and swell so anymore.